and

You know what you never realize about this? Before you start, you never consider the fact that it will also never end. You'll never have all the photos, and there will be an angle of beauty out there that you will just simple never catch. But by the time you realize this, it's too late. When I was younger the first girl I loved who used to tell me about how she longed to become self actualized. She used to say that if you tried hard enough, that if you could force it hard enough, by sheer willpower alone you could become self actualized. Back then, self actualization was like something of a jet-stream of abition, desire, and success that streamed down from the north over the heads of us normal people. It was like this place where your dreams reached down from the stars and lifted you out of the dilapidated rust belt cities you grew up in. Back then, she made it sound like it was all that you could have wanted. I remeber I would lie in her bed on wednesday evenings after school listening to her stories of how the future might look like. We used to sneak over to her father house when he wasn't home to make-out and breath the future in. All it was then was dreams, sand and blue skies.

All you could have ever wanted.

But you'll never go back.

Just like I'll never sneak back with her again to her fathers house, I'll never just be that boy again looking up at some invisible river of destiney.

No, I'm here. Alone in this hotel room. And sure it will change, there will be different models, different shoots, different girls, clothes, televisions, cameras, computers. But not really. Really it ill never change. And I'll never leave. All that I could have wanted. And there just might be nothing more.