grief

I believe that grief is a solitary emotion. Somehow through grief we envelop ourselves in a sheath of what we think the experince death might be like. We try to kill ourselves, just a little bit, on the inside out of respect for the dead. We try to pack every little moment we can remeber of those who pass into an emotion that sweeps and rocks us in deep internal waves. It ebbs and flows in the days that follow. Hallucinations and riptides that catch us along the sidewalks of our days. We touch this, we hear that. We are in one place and then we are in another. Grief should fill us, swell and swell until it breaks and flows down and away from us like broken water.

Last wednesday my dear friend and fellow photographer died in a tragic accident. We were putting together a new magazine we thought might make us famous and change everything but he never showed up at his apartment.

What you do is you bite it all back. And you breath, and you wake up, and you walk one foot in front of the next. And it hits you in waves that pound like the surf, exploding in your chest as you fake your way through another normal day.

I miss you man.