Sentimental

I'm alway sentimental at night. Past midnight and I'm a wreck. I spend my time wondering about lost friends and old girlfriends. What on earth happens to these people? Where on earth do they go? Sometimes they really just dissapear. Sometimes they die, marry, change their names, or even sometimes just no longer exist.

This will never cease to bother me though. There are some people whom perhaps you didn't know for a very long time, but you knew intimately enough that you know you'll never forget. For tonights instalment of nostalgia I caught the Cure song "close to me" on the radio in the taxi cab on the way back from a magazine shoot. Back in the day I used to date one girl called Addie Auerbach. She was this girl who lived in South Oakland, the neighborhood right next to the school campus in Pittsburgh.

Firstly, I'll say that I don't think I can ever go back to Pittsburgh again. That city for me is the most conflicted sea of memories, dreams and mistakes I may ever know. I know, (or perhaps knew) Pittsburgh like the back of my hand. It was as familiar as a lover face, yet going there is like visiting a country as foriegn as a tiny island nation in the south pacific.

Anyway, Addie used to lie around in bed on sunday mornings, smokeing with an ashtray on her pillow, listening to the Cure. Addie, she was for The Cure, and The Cure was for Addie. That was all she ever listened to, and every single one of their songs reminds me of an exact moment in her day when she would walk up to the cd player, switch tracks and set it on repeat. Over and over. Every day. Smokeing and drinking and painting things she found on the sidewalk.

Well, Addie was one of the girls who really simply dissapeared. Google: Nothing. Friendster: Nothing. She's simply gone. Back then we dated for about two months, and that was it. I ran into her once three (maybe even already four!) years ago while she was in Europe and I, harboring some negative feelings, was a bit of an asshole to her. Okay, I was a big asshole and I never saw her again.

Addie I'm sorry about being such an asshole. At the time I was pretty upset at you, but in retrospect I probably should have already gotten over it by then. The song I'm listening to now? "Just like heaven". Yeah. That's a good one.

SO!

There's my ten minutes of 'sentimenal early college' memories. God in highschool college was everthing there ever was to look forward to, but if I had known college would have been such a abyss of regret, I don't think I would have worked quite so hard on all those entrance exam things.