Eye Study

I'll save you from the "portal to the soul" analogies by summing up my opinion quickly. I don't think eyes are a portal to anything. I'll go against the prevailing opinion and say that I don't think you can tell much of anything from the eyes themselves. For me, they are fascinatingly intricate spidery creations. The pupil, the blood vessels, the work of muscles expanding and contracting. But as for portals- not really. I consider myself a fine reader of peoples faces. I think its important to be able to able to ascertain, at least to some extent, the experience others are having as they simultaneously experience you experiencing them. (Or others). But this is a talent that involves interpreting a number of facial clues, and not just eyeballs themselves.

I remember chemistry class in high school where a demonstration on the necessity of safety glasses was performed on a severed cow eyeball. One moment the eye was the strange not-people-ness that a cow eye has, and a few seconds and a couple drops of hydrochloric acid later- just a clouded over grey white gelatinous orb.

Okay. So maybe you did not need to know that. Instead, enjoy the eye of one of my makeup artists.

Moving

It's time to move.

On the internet I mean. I've kept this journal documenting the 'life' of being a fashion photographer for many years now. Including my previous incarnations I have nearly 4 years of posts talking about the life and times of getting up each morning. Checking my lenses, packing the gear, heading to work.

Now though I'm in the process of talking with the people who manage my website about doing some upgrades- taking it a bit further. As a part of that, I think it's time to move my journal away to another location. I think people, and clients, enjoy being able to get into the 'other side' of the job. I've met many clients who said they found the journal fascinating as was part of the reason they hired me for the job.

That said, it's probably time to separate my personal and professional life a bit more. I keep the journal going as it's part of a future Book project where I will eventually roll all this material into one, edit it, add and subtract here and there, and then publish it. So it's necessary for me to keep going. I also have growth plans for the journal that at the moment don't really fit into my plans for my professional presentation. I want to add more behind the scenes material. Interviews with other people in the industry, stuff like that. I want clients, photographers and casual visitors to have a deeper 'experience' when they visit the site.

So, look forward to that in a few weeks!

Terra Naomi

I bought Terra Naomi's albumm off itunes last night. After listening to it on repeat since then I can't believe I didn't purchase it sooner. If you remember I mentioned her a few months back as a folk singer who I stumbled across on YouTube. Well she was starting out (at least online) then, and I loved her stuff then. Now of course she has MILLIONS of views and people can't get enough. When I say I love her stuff, I'm seriously. I haven't loved someones voice, lyrics, music and personality this much since Jewel's first album - Pieces of You. If I were 14 again It would be Terra Naomi in my hip-cassette player. Wasting hours laying in the grass all summer, playing, rewinding, and playing again. I haven't heard jewel in a long time, but if it comes on the radio I can still remember all the words.

Terra Naomi:

Love and living without regrets

As I mentioned, I recently left a relationship that wasn't working. And this is not so long after having left a really big relationship that had lasted several years. Like all relationships that end, it was a painful thing to have to do, but inevitable. Sometimes in your life, you are simply not in a place to be able to be in a relationship with someone else. It has nothing to do with the people, just the time in ones life that makes things so difficult that in the end they can't work.

Anyway. I'm really happy that I tried this relationship. It was something I hadn't thought about since I was young, and being able to revisit something that you feel you never had a chance to really understand is a wonderful feeling. It's sad that it didn't work. It's wonderful that I tried anyway.

That's how life is in the end I suppose. It's all the beauty of all the things you try that makes it so worthwhile. Right now as I go through my portfolio, I'm taking the occasion of having so much fresh ink and Paper to print out as many pictures as possible. As I grow older I begin to understand more and more the importance of documenting your life. To those who haven't thought about it for awhile: It really does slip away from you. Trust me. The more beautiful it is, the quicker it will seem to wash away every time you fall asleep. Perhaps this is because I am a photographer, or perhaps this is *why* I am a photographer.

An extension of ones own self.

I feel that as a photographer one has to build a legend from oneself. I take the Photographer Terry Richardson as an example of how one should build their personal 'myth'. My work is nowhere as hyper-sexualized like Richardson, but still the situation applies.

So the question is, how does one go about building this 'myth'? What does the 'myth' even encompass? Personally when I close my eyes and see "the successful fashion photographer" I see endless summers on long sandy beaches with naturally beautiful Brasilian women running in and out of the surf while the camera captures their smiles and hair sweeping off into the crashing water of the waves.

Pretty much.

I'm somewhat landlocked as a photographer. I live here in Central Europe so a voyage to the sea requires more than just a small trip. Meanwhile though I can still pursue the 'myth'. I feel like it requires enormous scrap books full of polaroids of pretty girls and parties and famous people. I collect my polaroids. I collect my snapshots. Although I admit I should print even more of them. The personal 'myth' is hard to build because it's something you not only need to 'create' but it's something you also need to believe and thus 'become'.

Of course to ordinary people, this type of self-promotion feel dispicable. But it's ultimatly nessesary. I love the quote by Tommy Hilfinger where he says, "Lots of great designers never make it because they don't understand that being a successfull designer means selling clothes". Or something to that effect.

I say the same thing about photography. It wasn't me who said, "put all your money into self promotion". It's true. To be succesfull you need more than just connetions, you need to be a legend. You must precede yourself. Like movie stars, when people meet you they must already have a deep sense of already knowing you. The negative aspect of this however, is you, as the 'legend' yourself, generally can't remeber hardly anyone. These days I find people walking up to me on the street or in clubs talking intimately with me as though we had just spent a month together on a deserted island, yet for the life of me I can't remeber who they are.

Now granted, this might be a product of simply getting older. Growing up I noted that my mother (love her to death!!!) didn't exactly have the best talent of recollection. Something I suspect I have inherited. Memory seems to take a backseat to general processing of other mental tasks. So, this isn't to say that I'm not just getting forgetfull. But I asked my friend David (a frequent photographer for Elle, Harpars Bazar and others) and he pretty much echoed my own sentiments. As you get older, and become more succesfull you reach a point where you leave a greater impression on other people, than they leave on you. This is partially because you become so adept at speaking and working with people you don't actually know (consider the experince of models who learn to become comfortable nude in the presence of large numbers of people) that eventually you become simply more adept socially than other people you might meet. That means you already have a general idea how to leave a good lasting impression on people, because in this industry, a solid first impression is worth it's weight in gold. Other people though, are not used to social interactions as professional challanges and thus don't enter into conversations with the subconcious goal of influencing or persuading someone. But as a photographer, this is a critical skill. No matter what, you must leave people with powerfull impressions. But others rarelly make such a strong impression back, and as you get older, and continue to meet dozens of new people each day, fewer and fewer new introductions make strong impression.

Ah, well. I have lots more to say about that, but I need to go back to work. This is from a nude work-in-progress. Tentatively titled, -Tar Baby-.

Busy

So lately I have been incredibly busy. There seems to be a never ending list of small tasks that I should have already completed, yet still have before me to be done. Terrible! It's making me anxious, just trying to complete everything. The biggest problem I am having is finding a way to properly organize and manage my portfolio. The tens of thousands of images I have on hard disks has long since gotten away from me. New programs such as Adobe Lightroom help, but they are only temporary solutions. Their file organization and management tools are limited in their ability to overcome the chaos one creates on a daily basis.

Anyway, here is a photo of Adela, my assistant. She was standing in for a lighting test and made a funny face. I absolutly love the picture and will probably add it to my portfolio. It's got so much charm and charisma to it.

Color Reconstruction for Photographs in Russia from 1900

This photo is from sometime before the Russian October Revolution, probably taken around 1900 by Russian photographer Prokudin-Gorsky. Even though color photography was not technically possible at the time, he travelled Russia taking photographs in triplets, with each frame having a different color filter - Red, Green, blue. Prokudin-Gorsky never saw his collection of photographs in color. However thousands of the original negatives that survied have been scanned and recombined to reconstruct the color that he was so clever to have captured a century ago. The result? Stunning. Color images that look like they were taken yesterday. Looking at the images has the same feeling like looking back through time, yet back in time through the standards of image reproduction that we are accustomed to today. No black and whites, no yellow paper. Fascinating stuff. The entire collection has been scanned and is online.

Update.

Today I'm not shooting anything, which is a welcomed relief, and probably the only free moment I will end up having this week. So lets enjoy it!!!

Ha, actually I have plenty of stuff I need to get done on the computer so I'll just be stuck do my dining room table all day tapping away at this keyboard.

So- time for an update. First of all, I am addicted to the Czech Band Khoiba. I have known about them for awhile and almost went to a concert of their last month (they canceled because of sickness) but never really listened to them. I've included their music video at the end of this post for your enjoyment. The video isn't what hooks me though, it's the music. Soooo goood.

Life update- I'm actually single again. I say 'actually' because this is the first really solid, clean cut, state of single I've had in years. It's a strange feeling. Lonely, yet refreshing at the same time. I also have no prospects of a girlfriend, (also a good feeling!) which is a new thing for me as well. I think I've been somewhat continuously/constantly or vaguely in a relationship since I was 17. That's 8 years of partnership with someone, somewhere. That's pretty intense.

So for the moment I am single. And it feels pretty good. It's lonely for sure, but what the heck. I have a new MacBook laptop so it can't be that lonely right? I have an Itunes subscription account, (proof that if *I* am willing to pay for music, then 99 cents really is the price point that makes the ease and speed not worth my time to pirate) and a new roommate. So I suspect I should be fine. Anyway, I have a career to nurture, grown and mentor. Careers are like women, girlfriends and children all wrapped up in one.

Speaking of career, I was talking just recently about taking off to South Africa for the winter. (Still a possibility) I have a possible line of work there so I was thinking, "Sun, Sand, Surf?" What could be worse? Oh yeah, another gray 9 months of central European winter. But as it happens, I've entered into talks with a prestigious Agency representative and I will have my work cut out for me in terms of putting together a solid 30 shot portfolio that can sell my skills to (hopefully) high paying advertising clients. So, like I was saying, I was thinking, "sun, sand, surf" (and of course, dark skinned South African girls!) when my daydream was interrupted by the sound of my baby career crying in the next room. Yep. Careers are like small children. They consume you, determine you, alter you, and become you.

Perhaps this is why I'm single right now?

Indeed it may! "You work to much" is something I have heard more than a few times in my day. But it's a welcomed change to when I was younger and people said I was lazy. Ha! Lazy?!?! I'll show you lazy! "Big talk, little do" was something a certain someone used to say, (the owner of such comments shall remain affectionately unnamed!).

Anyway, we all know the best way to overcome insecurities rooted in the awkward phases of adolescence is to overcompensate through a draconian regime of hyper-fixation on self perceived instances of personal inadequacy.

Some professional doctor types might call this, "work-a-holicism". Those of us in the extremely competitive creative fields call this, "doing what it takes to make it".

To quote art-school posters on the NYC subway, "How bad do you want to be good?". One of my friends noted that her personal ethic was, "Whatever it takes to be great".

Anyway, enough chit-chat. Back to work!

Blast from the Past

I was looking at the short films and photography of Aleksandr Kheyfets when I notice one black and white short film featuring my high school girlfriend, Heather Lorentz. Not only that but this photographer both spent time in prague, (from the looks of it, at some point the same time as me) AND used my old ex in a movie filmed somewhere on the great lakes. Go figure huh? What a crazy small world this is. In any case, you might as well take a look!

Google

hey! I fill up just about all of the first ten pages of results if you type my name into google. There's a achievement for you!

The Register

Although primarily a geek (IT) website, I must admit, The Register is one of the most entertaining news websites around. I've added it to my daily morning ritual of "wake up, contemplate purpose of having woken up, make tea, check email, check websites"

Not sure

What it is, but its seems like a video collage from imagery of Nick Knight. (super famous photographer)

Self Promotion

I picked up Digital Photo magazine yesterday (the czech version) they have a super great four page interview with me (so go buy a copy!). I'm really excited about it too as it looks great. So very cool. Check out also the next issue of JOY magazine (the highest selling magazine in the country!) where there should also be a feature about me.

Okay, so enough of that.

I was on youtube.com recently and I've been searching "fashion photography videos". Very cool results. I love paging through the search results taking a backstage look at other peoples photoshoots. (And stealing lighting ideas!!! *insert nefarious laugh*).

Traffic

Traffic in prague can be a killer. Seriously. Of all the cities in the world that I have been too, I think Prague traffic has to be some of the worst. It's not a huge city, but it's a large city with extremely narrow roads and poor urban planning. (The city is designed for the 1300's not the 2000's) I missed a really important meeting today because of a combination of bad time management, and traffic. I was forced to cancel before I was even late, I as I knew it was simply impossible to get there anywhere sooner than an hour overdue.

Drat.

Anyway, I did have a really nice meeting today with one production agency. Talking with them I had the feeling they really were thinking on the same wavelength as I am. Really positive feeling. Hopefully something interesting comes out of it!

On that note...

When I close my eyes- this is what I see. There's an idea- why not just follow the summer?

Renee

Well my best friend here, makeup artist, parter in crime and confidant, has just left prague. Renee is moving with her boyfriend to Berlin where they will spend the winter and figure out what they are looking to do next.

My heart is in pieces.

I think perhaps, it is time for a real change for me. I know I always say this, but maybe this time for real. It's always other people who leave. Maybe it's time for me to leave myself, and find who I am again.

Sense of satisfaction.

You know, as the Christmas season approaches, I realize how much I would really appreciate being able to make a living off of something that i make with my own hands. You know what I mean? It might sound silly but I really admire the people who started LUSH for example, (they make all sorts of unique soaps and bath products) because I can really see them as a couple or something that started the whole idea in their living room. Making soap. Wrapping it. Looking at it at the end of the day thinking, "wow! look at all this soap" and then actually selling it. What an incredible personal sense of satisfaction that must offer.

I know photography is something similar. I make it myself. I edit/retouch it myself. I sell it myself. But it doesn't offer the same feeling. First of all the ingredients are super expensive (which for me detracts a bit from the sense of creating value in a thing where none was before) and second, at the end of the day all you can do is sit back and hold up a burned DVD and think, "yeah". Hardly cuts it. Not even printing in magazines really does it for me. Your stuff comes out and inevitably the DTP people or the layout people mess the whole thing up. Out here the photographer isn't involved in the layout decisions. Magazines just want the pictures on a DVD and then want you to stay out of it. The result? Pretty awful. Too bad I don't make soap.

End of Film

So, last week I shot a couple rolls of film on my Pentax 67. I was thinking at the time, "maybe there's something I'm forgetting about. Maybe I should give it another shot." Well I got the film back yesterday. And I have to report that, yes film has it's magic about it. But unfortunately, that's just not enough for me anymore. I would rather upgrade to medium format digital rather than take a step, *ahem* back and shoot on film. I'll keep my pentax around a little while longer I suppose. But, I suppose just for sentimental value.

Hits

My other photography website, http://www.dennisonbertram.com/hackmaster/hack_index.htm turns out to still be incredibly popular. I was checking the stat's today and last month saw nearly 300,000 hits!! More than a quarter million in a month! Look forward to me doing something with the website again. It's very cool that people are still interested in it!